


On thin ice

by Ammarettu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Emotional Katsuki Yuuri, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Please Don't Hate Me, Trans Character, Victor is a sweetheart, snow is the devil, two of them actually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-09 21:25:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8912530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ammarettu/pseuds/Ammarettu
Summary: Yuri is average. He has average looks, average skating ability and anxiety higher than the CN tower.
Viktor is perfect. Perfect looks, a God on the ice and little to no anxiety. 
They were opposite. 
((In Which Viktor comes to coach Yuri but finds he needs more than just help on the ice))





	1. Victor? Here?

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to say quickly before you read this that Yuuri's past in this fic are all my own. All his experiences, his reactions it all comes straight from my own experience. It's simply me pushing my problems onto Yuuri to help me deal with them better. Enjoy.

Yuri Katsuki was, for all intensive purposes, broken. A shell of the person he was when he was a kid. On the ice it was easy for him to pretend, to play a part. Off the ice he was a wreck, only able to communicate with others after consuming precarious amounts of liquor.

He often found himself just spending days in bed, crying usually. He would lock his door and pretend that his idols eyes weren't plastered all over the room. He would convince himself that he was fine, nothing was wrong and ignore his panic and sheer terror that came over him in floods at random moments. 

He thanked any possible God that Viktor wasn't really there, that he didn't have to see Yuri like this. So completely and utterly shattered, body, mind and soul.

Then suddenly he was there, standing in a naked glory only the Russian God himself could have, arm stretched towards Yuri and a smile on his face.

Yuris heart rate burst to a stampede, thundering and he felt faint. He held his ground against the impending feeling and forced down his anxiety. Now was not the time to self destruct. Not here, not in front of Viktor.

"Viktor? Why are you here?" 

"Starting today, I'm your coach."

The words resonated through his bones as if they were hollow. Shock pierced his heart, anxiety and depressive thoughts plagued his brain.

'He's using you as an excuse to take a break, he'll leave soon.'

Yuri ignored it and showed Viktor to the table to eat. The katsudon was tasteless in the wake of Yuris nerves.

He had trouble staying focused as Viktor spoke to him.

"Have you eaten this recently?"

"Huh? Oh, yes. I eat it often."

"Really? But you haven't won anything."

Yuris heart skipped a beat and he felt guilty. Viktor was right. He had no right to eat that, he didn't deserve it.

"You'll need to lose some weight before I can let you on the ice. You need to be at least the weight that you were at last year's Grand Prix Final, okay, Piggy?"

A pang shot through his heart and he had to force back tears, don't let Viktor see. He'll think you're weak.

"R-right of course."

It wasn't like Yuri didn't have his reasons for gaining the weight. Of course he did. No one gets fat by accident.

"So where will I be staying?"

Yuri showed Viktor to his room, Viktor touched his hand and Yuri bailed. 

"S-sorry, I'm very tired. Goodnight."

Viktor chuckled. Yuri was easily flustered.

Yuri sat on the floor by his bed rocking back and forth, one hand clenching his shirt to put pressure on the anxiety the other clasped over his mouth in a desperate attempt to quell his sobs.

After an hour or so he'd calmed the anxiety of being touched and his brain moved on to what Viktor had said at dinner.

Piggy, huh?

Yes, that's right. He was disgusting. A fat pig. He felt a vague smile grace his chapped lips. He didn't want to lose the weight because then Viktor would be able to tell for sure. And then he would hate him. But it was Viktor who had asked him to.

He stood and studied himself in the mirror for 10 minutes before collapsing into a fit of tears once more.

How had it come to this? Why did he have to be different? He made his way to the bathroom as quietly as he could. He rid himself of what had been dinner, it made his mouth burn and he had to brush his teeth again to get rid of the taste but it made him feel a little better. A little closer to his goal.

His sister was standing outside when he opened the door. Her eyes were sad and made him feel naked.

"Yuri, you know that he didn't mean it like that."

Yuri looked to the side, "Of course he did. Look at me," he lifted his shirt, "even Takeshi said so. Disgusting."

And his sister was used to this. Ever since Yuri had been very young he had bouts of eating to get fat then deciding he was disgusting and purging. He had stretch marks to prove just how incredibly large he had been at some point.

But he had also been hospitalized for malnourishment as well. She could remember how his ribs protruded and how shop his jaw became. How he was barely strong enough to lift a fork. The hospital almost sued their parents for abuse, until Yuri told them off. That it had been his choice to become like this. And Yuris family didn't know how to help. They tried everything they could think of at the time, but Yuri refused to see a therapist. He was fine.

Mari reached out and stroked his cheek gently, coercing him to tears again. They slept with Vicchan, Yuri in his sisters arms and tear trails down his face.

Viktor slept through the whole exchange.


	2. Knowing Yuri Katsuki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari is protective, Victor and Yuri discuss his weight struggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! I really enjoyed writing this even though it's 3 am lol kill me

Yuri woke up the next morning with a kink in his neck and Makkachin curled up beside him where Mari had been. He sat up and looked around, swiping the ground with his hand in an attempt to find his glasses. His hand collided with Makkachin, who stood and greeted him happily before trotting away to go find some food. Yuri found his glasses on the floor where Makkachin was. They were warm and a little bent but Yuri didn't care.

He went to his room to change into some sweats and a T-shirt before heading out to the dining area. Victor, Mari and his parents were already sitting to the table when he entered. He sat next to Mari and Victor looked more than a little offended. 

"Yuri, you have to sit by me! I'm your coach!"

Yuri raised his head and his eyes locked with Victor's. Victor could tell just by looking how tired Yuri was. He smirked, so Yuri was nervous to have him around. He was his idol after all, it was to be expected. Yuri sighed and shifted to sit next to his coach. Victor slung an arm around his shoulders and it made Yuri's skin crawl. He fought his panic away and stared at Mari instead. She watched with carful eyes, reading every desperate signal for help Yuri emitted.

Yuri couldn't bring himself to eat any of the breakfast his mother presented him with even with the help of Victor's encouragement. 

"Yuri you should eat. You need your strength so you can work out properly!"

"I'm not hungry."

Yuri's family knew what these words meant, they were used to hearing them spill half heartedly from Yuri's lips until they were white and chapped and the boy himself was small enough to break in two. But Victor didn't know. It was nerves for Victor and it made him chuckle. How adorable, right? That Yuri was so shy he couldn't even eat around his idol. Cute.

Yuri excused himself before everyone was done, sliding gratefully away from Victors touch. He breathed a sigh of relief in the hall and made his way to his bedroom to get his phone and earbuds. 

"I'm heading out!" He called and ignored Victors protest in favor of slipping out into the snow covered streets to start jogging. 

Still inside the house Victor blinked in surprise but shrugged. Yuri must be eager to start training. How exciting! He bowed and thanked the Katsuki family for the food before heading to his room only to find himself slammed up against a wall and Mari's hand tangled in the front of his shirt. He made a small 'oomf' sound and stared down into the girls eyes. She was glaring and looked just about ready to murder him.

"Uh... can I help you?" He asked, unsure of what he had done to warrant this sort of hostility against him.

"Shut up," she spat and Victor's eyes widened, "how dare you show up here unannounced, acting like you care. How dare you make fun of and insult my little brother? You know nothing about my brother. Nothing. Don't prance around acting like you know what he's thinking. Dont touch him again and don't you ever, EVER," She leaned right up into his face, "call him 'Piggy' again you piece of shit." Then she was gone.

Victor blinked, extremely confused. Well that was certainly interesting. What did she mean he didn't know Yuri? Of course he didn't he'd only met him once before! And in all honesty he'd only been poking fun when he called him Piggy. Had that really hurt Yuri's feelings? He supposed it was possible.

He got Makkachin from his room and his track jacket and headed out in pursuit of Yuri. 

He found the young Japanese man doing jumping-jacks on a small terrace that overlooked the ocean. He had his music on so Victor just sat on a bench and watched Yuri exercise. 

Jumping-jacks turned into sit ups, then step ups on another bench and minutes turned to hours. Victor checked his phone and stood.

"Yuri." He said loudly and Yuri turned around, pulling out an ear bud in the process. 

"Yes?"

"I think that's enough for today."

"What? But it's only been-"

"It's been four hours Yuri. Come on, let's go to this Ramen place I saw earlier."

"Thanks but I'm not very hungry."

And this time when the words slipped almost venomously past Yuri's lips it clicked in Victor's brain.

He recalled Mari telling him that Yuri had always gained weight easily. Recalled her saying 'Don't ever call him Piggy again.'

So Yuri was sensitive about his weight? That was pretty normal within the skating community.

"Yuri, I can tell that you're lying."

And Yuri seemed surprised, his eyes flicked up to meet Victor's briefly. 

"It's not good to starve yourself. I'm sorry that I called you Piggy. I didn't mean it, I was just trying to tease you. I didn't realize how much it would affect you. I'll be more careful, but you need to eat. Otherwise I can't let you on the ice. You'd be too fragile. So come have Ramen with me. My treat."

There was a pause and then Yuri spoke,

"When I was a ten there was a boy in my class who used to make fun of me for being overweight but I... I ignored him because I knew that if I was fat, if I looked grotesque then bad things wouldn't happen to me and so... I kept gaining weight. 

I gained weight until I could barely skate, and I've got the marks to prove it. But then one day... One day there was an interview and you said that people used being overweight as an excuse not to live. So I lost all the weight by the time I was thirteen. Then the cycle restarted because I just... I couldn't look at myself. And I've done it ever since."

Victor stared at Yuri, dumbfounded. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to know that Yuri struggled with his weight so much? Then Yuri continued,

"But overweight hasn't been my only extreme. When I was fourteen I was in the hospital because I got so thin. I don't remember much from that time of my life, I just remember crying a lot. I remember my family crying all the time and I remember my mother prayed that I would live. Back then I was depressed, so I didn't want to. I feel bad now. How could I have been so selfish? Just because I felt bad... because..." Yuri sighed and looked out across the ocean.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say all that. You can forget it all."

Victor looked at Yuri softly, "Yuri, I can't do that. I want to know everything there is to know about you."

"I think... that you'd regret it. There's a lot of things you don't know about me Victor. And I don't plan on telling you any of it."

"I know that I don't deserve to know everything yet. But you've told me something major so how about I repay the favor, hm? Shall I tell you something that no one knows about me?"

Yuri was intrigued and nodded, Victor clapped in excitement. He'd never had someone who he could trust with his secrets before. He felt that Yuri was different. After clapping he was serious,

"Everyone all around the world thinks that my parents support me from the background, paying for my equipment and the like, but the truth is my parents disowned me when I was sixteen. I lived with Yakov for a long time while I got on my feet. He's more of a father to me than my actual father ever was. He bought my ticket to come see you! Wasn't that nice of him Yuri? What a gentleman!"

Apparently even when he's trying to tell a sad story he's cheerful, thought Yuri.

"So, shall we get that Ramen then?"

Yuri chuckled, "Yes Victor, let's go get you that Ramen."

Victor cheered loudly and Yuri stifled a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's that, Hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to read my other stories, they're all Victuri so can't go wrong, amirite?
> 
> Stay tuned for chapter 3!


	3. Contemplative Silence.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuri reflect on their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda feel bad that I'm dumping all my problems onto these sweethearts but... it makes for the kind of story I would want to read. Anyways, please enjoy!

The ramen was too salty for Yuri, he only managed to get down about half before he had to stop. Victor encouraged him to finish, but he just couldn't. In all honesty he was disappointed with himself. Mostly for dragging Victor into his mess. For making him listen to his troubles earlier. He had to try harder. So Victor didn't have to worry about him. 

They made it back to Yu-topia at around 7:30, Mrs. Katsuki was cleaning up from dinner and offered them dessert but both parties politely declined. Yuri headed to his room, Victor followed, fully intent on going in his room, but found the door shut in front of him before he could enter.

"Yuri, let's sleep together tonight!" He called through the door.

"No."

Well that was fast.

"But Yuuriii, I'm your coach! And as your coach I have to know everything about you!"

"I said no!"

Victor sighed and gave up, instead heading out to the onsen. The hot water felt good on his muscles and he allowed himself to relax. It had been a rather stressful day. That was the second time he'd been slammed against his wall this year! The first time had been one of his rink mates from Russia, a small blond boy who had, in a fit of telling him how much better he was than Victor, held him the same way Mari had earlier that day, only Mari was much more threatening.

As he sat in the hot spring he let his mind wander, and thought about the conversation he had with Yuri earlier. He'd heard of people with severe eating disorders like that but, he'd never met someone who actually suffered through it and continued to struggle through it. He wondered what it must be like. How even the smallest remark would make someone like that feel. He couldn't imagine it, and he felt awful that he made Yuri feel that way. That he... he'd made Yuri feel that way. One word from his own lips had made Yuri stop eating for almost a whole day, and in retrospect, he'd probably purged dinner last night as well. Victor buried his face in his hands, how could he have thought that it was okay to say that to someone, teasing or not?

But it was done now, he couldn't change it, so he moved on. 

Yuri had mentioned that when he lost the weight he couldn't look at himself. What was the reason for that, he wondered. There had to be one because at last years GPF Yuri had looked very good. He gained weight immediately afterwards, so it must have had something to do with him not liking how he looked, but why not? He had a very elegant figure. Maybe he had a fat fetish? Well that couldn't be right because he felt bad when he was overweight as well...

What else? That's right, he'd said something like,

"If was fat, if I looked grotesque then bad things wouldn't happen to me."

Bad things, huh? Bad things like what? Obviously he didn't consider being bullied by the other kids in his class a bad thing because he said he kept gaining weight despite that fact. He'd lost the weight,,, after something Victor himself had said. That it was an excuse, but hadn't Yuri been using it as such? What had he been so afraid of? Being attractive? 

Victor supposed he could understand that. Yuri was an anxious guy and being attractive tends to come with a lot of attention, attention Yuri probably didn't want. But that really didn't sound quite right. That just didn't seem to match up with what he had been saying. What else had he said?

When he was in the hospital his mother prayed that he would live but he was depressed, so he didn't want to...

Victors eyebrows furrowed.

So there had been at least one time when Yuri wanted to die. He wondered if there had been a time where Yuri ever tried. The thought made him sick to his stomach. What on earth could have happened to such a kind boy to make him feel so genuinely horrible. To drive him to such lengths. He wondered just how much Yuri had yet to tell him. How many bad things could even happen to one person? Where they really awful or where they just generic kind of anxieties that Yuri had trouble dealing with? When Yuri said that nothing bad would happen was it because something already had or was it because he didn't want it to happen at all? What kind of bad things was Yuri thinking about when he said that? He had so many questions.

Victor stood and made his way out to the living room to speak to Yuri's parents.

 

 

Yuri sighed when Victor finally left and he face planted into his bed. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. How embarrassing! He couldn't believe he's spouted out all that depressing garbage to his longtime idol! He must think he's some whiny baby now! He hadn't meant to tell him all that, it just... when Victor looked at him with that genuinely sorry expression it all just started flowing out of him and he couldn't stop it! He really wished that Victor would just forget the whole conversation but... he'd told Yuri something no one else knew in exchange.

His parents disowned him. Yuri felt a pang in his heart. He understood what it was to be abandoned by the people who were supposed to love you most. The Katsuki family was his family now, but he couldn't help but think about what his life would have been like if his original parents had kept him instead of... instead of throwing him away like he was nothing. Mari, she was so kind. She held him at night while he cried until he fell asleep , and even though she was usually gone in the morning she always came in his room at night at just the right time. She always knew when he was starting to feel like binging or purging or whatever. She was almost always there to stop him or help him through. To support him.

The Katsuki's were his true family, even if they weren't blood related. They put up with all of his eccentrics, they cried for him. They cared about him. Victor didn't have anyone. Yuri was being selfish. How could he even think about feeling this way when Victor had no one. No family, only his figure skating coach to go home to. Yuri grit his teeth and stood. He wasn't allowed on the ice, by orders of his coach but that didn't mean that he couldn't go to Minako's.

He grabbed hi messenger bag, stuffed some clothes in it and his point shoes before he grabbed his keys and left without a word to anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, feel free to comment, I absolutely love reading them!
> 
> Stay tuned for part 4!


	4. Scratching the surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor learns a little more about Yuri's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long to get out, this time of year is kind of hard for me. Anyways enjoy.

Victor sat down next to Hiroko, she offered him a cup of tea but he politely declined.

He sat silently and listened to the couple speak, they had politely transitioned to English so he could understand but he couldn't bring himself to pay attention. He watched as snow fell slowly outside the window, each flake making its own way down from above at its own pace and Victor felt calm. Thoughts of Yuri plagued his mind and he cleared his throat,

"Sorry I don't mean to interrupt but, I have a couple of questions if you don't mind."

Toshiya nodded, "Well sure, we'll help if we can."

Victor leaned forward, leaning on his elbows on the table.

"I just... I want to know what happened to him. Has he always been like this, since he was a child?"

They exchanged a strange glance before looking at Victor

"Well, we can tell you a little but if Yuri hasn't told you then it's really not our place."

Victor nodded in understanding, of course that made sense. It was Yuri's life after all.

"We didn't meet Yuri until he was eight years old, that's when we adopted him."

"Adopted? Yuri?"

He was pretty shocked, Yuri fit in with the Katsuki family so well, he even looked like them! He would have never imagined that they weren't related. That Yuri understood how he himself felt.

"Yes, his real parents, well we never met them they were long gone by the time we met Yuri, but... they did something awful to him. The police came to the house when the neighbors called, reporting that the family hadn't been home in a while but they didn't find anything. His parents went to China, they were involved pretty heavily in the drug cartel and they were arrested a few months later and sent back to Japan where they both confessed to their crimes. Both were given life sentences but Yuri... I think that he still feels like it will happen again."

Victor's eyebrows furrowed. "Wait, but what was the crime?"

They exchanged that strange glance again and Hiroko shifted uncomfortably, "That's something you should hear from Yuri directly. If he tells you then you know that he really trusts you. It took him seven years to tell us. Just... go easy on him, in his private life at least."

Victor regarded the snow outside with a detached curiosity. He was concerned, of course. Just what did Yuri have yet to tell him? There weren't exactly a lot of things people would refuse to tell you about someone.

He stood abruptly and excused himself, making directly to Yuri's room. He knocked but there was no answer. Had Yuri gone out? He opened the door but found nothing other than clothes strewn about the room.

He closed the door and jogged back tot the kitchen, "Yuri isn't in his room."

"He went out earlier, to Hiroko's ballet studio."

After getting directions from his mother Victor ran to meet with Yuri. There was so much he didn't know, Yuri had said that to him but he thought that he was just being dramatic or mysterious. Some of the pieces were falling into place though, not a lot. 

Yuri's insecurness sort of made sense to him now, something bad had indeed happened to him. But what?

The route to the ballet studio wasn't very long at all, but it was snowing and cold and Victor hadn't bothered to put on a jacket. The need to talk to Yuri had momentarily overwhelmed his common sense. Why did it feel so urgent? It was almost as if he didn't get to the ballet studio, if he didn't see Yuri right this second it would be too late.

The doors to the studio were unlocked, unsurprising as Yuri was inside. When Victor entered he could hear the music to last years free skate that he did. It was fairly loud, he followed it. Up the stairs on the right side of the lobby and into the actual dance studio.

He stopped in the doorway, Yuri was dancing slowly, on point shoes with his eyes closed. There was the smallest, saddest smile Victor had ever witnessed spread softly against his face. Faintly, he could see dried tears. So Yuri had been crying. Victor had never done ballet so he couldn't name the move Yuri was performing. The shoes looked very uncomfortable but Yuri danced as if he weren't wearing them at all, like they were just apart of him. So graceful, so beautiful but lonely and sad. The way he moved reminded Victor of someone who was desperately searching for happiness. A man who was broken and in Yuri's dancing Victor could see his story through Yuri's out, how it was playing out in the here and now. The absolute sadness and terror that Yuri felt, the unwavering pain that consumed his entire being.

It was in the way that Yuri moved, on the ice he made music, because he loved to skate. But here, off the ice, jumping and spinning across polished oak he dripped fear and anxiety. The uncertainty rolled off of him in waves, and Victor could feel the immense weight of Yuri's memories. He could feel the ultimate desperation of trying to please, please forget, let me forget. The look on his face burned into his memory, eyes squeezed tightly shut, eyebrows furrowed. Pain displayed across his features for the world to see. 

Victor sat on a stool near the front of the room and watched Yuri dance. The music faded in and out, the song changing occasionally but ultimately the tone of the dance was the same. Finally Yuri stopped, his heels lowered to the ground slowly and he let out a small, peaceful sigh.

"Beautiful," Victor commented and Yuri screamed.

He whipped around, eyes wide in surprise. Victor could tell just by looking that his heart was racing, that probably wasn't a great idea.

"Ah, sorry Yuri. It's just me. Your parents gave me the directions."

Yuri calmed slightly, "Victor... What are you doing here?"

"I was worried. I went to speak with you and you weren't in your room."

"Oh. You could have just waited."

"I... I was feeling anxious. I wanted to see you."

Yuri paused, "You... Me? But, why?"

"I had a lot of questions about you, about what you had to go through before the Katsuki's, I just couldn't wait."

"Before... They told you?" Yuri looked away, ashamed.

"Yeah. Honestly I was surprised. But they didn't tell me anything else really, only that your original parents are in prison."

There was silence for a while before Victor continued, "Listen, Yuri. You don't have to tell me if you really don't want to but... Whatever it is I want to know. And I won't use the information to hurt you. I wont tell anyone else and I wont hate you because of any of it. But I want you to know that when you're ready, I'm all ears."

Yuri swallowed harshly, "I... I trust you Victor."

Victor's heart skipped a beat.

"But I... I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. Even the things I told my parents, it was true but... it was just scratching the surface."

"I understand if you're not ready to share yet Yuri. Just tell me at your own pace."

Yuri nodded, "Okay. You know a couple things already, right?"

"Just that you were adopted and about your weight."

Yuri nodded again, slowly this time. "My biological; parents, they're in a a maximum security prison in Tokyo. Fuchu prison."

"Fuchu... Wasn't that prison ranked 7th in the world for security?"

There was an ashamed pause again, "Yeah."

Victor sensed Yuri's feelings and smiled, "There's no need to be ashamed Yuri. You did nothing wrong. In fact I'm proud of you."

It was Yuri's turn for his heart to skip a beat,"Proud? Of me? But... why?"

"Because you are so brave and strong, of course! Who wouldn't be proud, honestly Yuri," he laughed, "Now what do you say we go home, hm?"

Yuri looked up at Victor in awe for a moment before smiling and giving an enthusiastic nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for today. Hope you liked it. I kept rewriting it but i never really liked it so i gave up and this is the result. Hopefully it's okay.
> 
> Feel free to comment or leave a kudos. If you're interested my Tumblr is https://www.tumblr.com/blog/sabukunoami

**Author's Note:**

> That's all for now! chapter 2 should be up soon so stay tuned if you enjoyed this!


End file.
